What Does Modern Celibacy Look Like?

Does it look like this?


What about this?


Or just this?


Sometimes I kind of regret the title of my blog. The original intent, besides being kind of catchy, was an alternative take on the “Sex and the Single Girl” view, endorsed by magazines like Cosmopolitan and shows like Sex and the City. (The book, Sex and the Single Girl, was written by Helen Gurley Brown, who was the editor-in-chief at Cosmo for over 30 years.) As someone who used to subscribe to Cosmo and was a fan of Sex and the City (the show is now cancelled), I can say that each of those media outlets – particularly Cosmo – gave me the idea that to be a normal, single woman was to be promiscuous. 

In other words, casual sex was the way to have fun and be fulfilled. 

I call bullshit.

I suppose the problem with the word “celibacy” is that it is so often attached to the word, “lifelong.” That is why the images of nuns come to mind. And the chastity belt… well, that was mostly a joke, but it also symbolized, for me, that choosing celibacy means opting for a masochistic lifestyle based around self-denial and a lack of pleasure.

But I am going to put aside whatever dictionary definition there is for celibacy, and give my own:

Living as a celibate woman means rejecting that sex is a normal part of dating a someone. Celibate women choose to respect themselves by respecting their bodies, instead of letting their bodies to be used as someone else’s means to an end.  

I am not sure if I ever mentioned it here, but I am not a virgin. It has been my experience that the “farther,” physically, I go with a guy, the more it breaks my heart when the relationship ends. The first (and only) guy with whom I had intercourse took me years to get over: it damaged me.  I never want to have sex again with someone with whom I will one day part ways (in this world anyway).

Therefore, I would say that remaining celibate is a way to avoid breaking your own heart.

At least, that’s what it is to me.





All images appear courtesy of wikimedia commons:





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